never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize
