A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
