you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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