Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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