I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
