I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
