We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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