I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
