I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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