sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
