First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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