i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
