I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
