you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
