we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
