So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
