Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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