she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I still have a little drunk in my system
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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