Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
