3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
