My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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