Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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