The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize