I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Acid is not a monday night drug
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
