cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I need water and some morals
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
