I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
