just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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