Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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