Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
