it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
