I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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