You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
