Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
