Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
