he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
