Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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