Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
