Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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