What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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