So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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