Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
