He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
