Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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