i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
