YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
