take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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