"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
