is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize