new low.... made out with someone while peeing
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
