the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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