I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
