The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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