in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
A bitchslap is in order.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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