grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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