We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
