$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
