The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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