i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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