I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
