you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
