Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize