I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
