You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
