Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
